In Times Alone
"This is the place?" Dino asked.
"Yup. Every time I go in here, the owner gropes me on the arm and tries to get me to go into the back with him."
The men on the team were outraged and we made a stop at the eastern clothing store, solely for my benefit, so the men could catch the guy in the act and then take some action. What action, I'm not sure since we were all teenagers on a missions trip, but their chivalry both flattered and amused me. In Alaska where I grew up, women were independent and strong and I wasn't used to this kind of male protection.
The 9 of us walked into the store and quickly spread out, looking at everything. The boys kept a close eye on me for the first few minutes in the small store, but soon got distracted. The owner was at my side in a second, squeezing my upper arm and making eye rolling motions towards the back of the store as he always did. I refused him again, and when we exited the store, the boys bragged, "Well, at least he didn't come on to you tonight."
"Yes he did," I had to inform them, and they were incredulous, both at the man's boldness, and their lack of noticing in the few minutes we had been there. I laughed it off, but clearly there were some things I would just have to take care of on my own.
Jump to 11 years later. I had moved to the city, and was in my first year of teaching. My Ford Escort, which had driven across country with me, was barely holding on. I was driving home from work on a service road alongside the LIE, but had to stop at my doctor's office as I hadn't been feeling well and had developed a light rash.
Suddenly, without warning, my car caught on fire. I don't know about you, but I had seen tons of car fires on TV, and every single one of them ended with the car blowing up. I pulled over, and looked around me quickly for someone to help. In a city of 8 million people, where it's nearly impossible to truly have privacy, NOT A SINGLE SOUL was around. I rolled my eyes, jacked up the hood of my car, took my coat off and beat the flames out myself. I left my car where it was and walked the rest of the way in the snow to my doctor's office. There, I was told that I had chicken pox and would need to be off work for 10 days.
Sometimes? No matter how great of friends we have, or church community we are a part of? Sometimes we have to face our problems alone. At times, they might be small like warding off an unwanted advance. At other times, they could be something huge. But that feeling of being alone is like salt added to food; it heightens the taste. It makes the thing we are facing that much more daunting because no one who loves our heart is there to witness our pain. No one who believes in us is there to witness the struggle, and the strength. No one who comforts us is there to hold us until it's over. It's just us and the beast.
I think, ironically, the One who Loves us Best is the one who brings us to these moments. Sometimes, I think He does it to show us what we're made of. If someone else is always there to help lift the rock, how will we ever know we can lift it ourselves?
More often though, I think He does it when He gets lonely for us. In a world where we don't even have to pick up a phone anymore to make contact with multitudes of people at once and where in 5 seconds on Facebook, everyone can know what kind of day we are having or can give us advice on something----how tough it must be for the Lover of our Souls to get our attention. I think sometimes, He wants it to be just Him and us facing the lion. I think fighting battles with us has to be one of His favorite forms of fellowship.
Some of my best memories with friends are specific conversations. But more of them? Are shared experiences. I know God loves when we pray and when we worship. But I still remember the first time I ever led our community group. I felt His presence in a very different way than I ever have in worship. It was like He was sitting right beside me and we led together. I asked Him what was next all night, and His voice was crystal clear. Yet He didn't command, more like co-led. We got to do something together. It's one of my best God memories.
We can never truly be alone. He is always there in the wings, waiting for our invitation. I can't wait for our next adventure, even though sometimes they look like problems in the beginning.
Photo Credit: Namphuong Van on Unsplash.
