Rewriting the Past on Purpose

As believers, we have God's promise in Proverbs 4:18, that "The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day." (ESV)

The normal Christian life is one that grows better and better.  As we allow God to have His way in us, our perspective gets brighter, our faith grows, the old sins that used to trip us up fall off, and the things which seemed so difficult to forgive when we were young pale in comparison to the knowledge of our own depravity and how much we've been forgiven.

Lately, I've been looking back at some once painful memories, but with new eyes and a wiser perspective.  It's not been a deliberate choice----it's been more of a God journey, because He wants me to see things back there that I didn't see at the time.

And I am realizing that in some cases, the stuff I was carrying at the time, kept me from having His perspective on those moments.  So, here's a recent example.  One of the things which has kept me from aspects of my destiny is my tendency to "dabble."  I enjoy serving, but I get bored easily.  So, I jump around a lot.  I'm lucky enough to have a number of friends who speak into my life, and one of them took me aside at one point and pointed out, how this tendency was hurting me.  But at the time?  Rather than hearing the heart of my friend to help?  All I could hear was judgment.  I judged their advice to be short-sighted, and trying to force my personality into a mold that only some fit.

Yesterday a different friend said the same thing to me but in a slightly different way. It wasn't about restricting freedom, it wasn't about not allowing me to be me.  It was that longevity in a post gives one a platform.  The lightbulb clicked on, and in my spirit I was like, "Ohhhhhhhhhh." Had I listened the first time, perhaps I'd be further down the road than I am now.  

This kind of thing is happening a lot these days, and I find God to be not only the author of my story, but also the Editor.  He is doing what I could never do on my own----rewriting history, changing my memories, producing a new script for events which have already occurred.  

I'm not suggesting we should live in the past, or analyze every situation that ever caused us pain.  

The real lesson I feel He is teaching me thru this is to be more open to the possibility of being wrong in the moment.  To hold my opinions gently, and to trust those He has put in my life.  To recognize His voice when He speaks thru others and to heed it the first time around, so precious life isn't poured out upon an altar of stubbornness and pride and self-preservation.

I'm learning to let my Father rewrite my past on purpose, and to trust Him to author my story in part by using ghostwriters He employs.  


Photo credit:  Fabien Barral on Unsplash.

https://unsplash.com/@iammrcup

A Different Way of Seeing

Today, I was offered a fresh page in a relationship.  Imagine an ivory piece of stationery with nothing written on it.  Pure, crisp, clean.  

Imagine a favorite shirt coming out of the dryer, and it's warmth on your skin as you breathe deeply and smell spring left by a dryer sheet.

Imagine grace washing over you like a waterfall; water that is just right in temperature; as it cascades over your head, and you stand under the water for a long time, letting its hydration wash away pain, scrub away past mistakes.

Today was like that.

Relationships are tricky.  What I've learned? is that when friendships hurt--it is because I have something inside of me wrong or twisted, that fails to trust the good intentions of the one I'm relating to.

When I am insulted, it is because my friend has touched an insecurity.

When I am wounded, it's often because my friend has spoken truth, but it's truth I haven't told myself yet.

When I am incensed, I am often responding to a trigger, losing sight of the face and heart right in front of me, forgetting who they are to me, and all the acts of friendship which have preceded that moment.

When I feel controlled, I am deeply afraid and anxious---because what would life be like if I were not in control?

I'm not saying pain is not real.  I'm not saying others don't sin against us.  

But I find that when I clean up my heart?  There is less to hurt.  

If you knew the story? You'd know, I didn't deserve another chance.  

I'm glad my friend decided to try again anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pura Vida

Grace is unconditional acceptance given to an undeserving person by an unobligated giver.
— Tullian Tchividjian

I've been reading the book One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian and it sinks in like pure water. It's the story of grace in the life of a believer, and every sentence hydrates my spirit, and I can't quite drink it fast enough, and no matter how much grace I read about, and try to drink in---the next day I find myself returning to the same water cooler, pouring it down my throat in great gulps, as if I've never encountered the water of grace before.  But the truth is, it's rare in our culture.  And without real life experiences, it's a concept very tough to grasp at the heart level.

There have been some big moments in life when I've been handed grace.  And they haven't come when I thought I was doing well spiritually.  They have come in the moments when I have absolutely felt the least deserving.  Well, of course, you might be thinking.  Grace comes when you mess up.  That's what makes it grace.

I used to think that too.  But, I think we only notice grace when we've screwed up.  Because that is when we are thirsty for it.  When we are in a place of success, or spiritual intimacy we don't feel we need it, so we aren't looking for it.

Grace is Jesus loving every bit of us, all the time.  It's him smiling at my forgetfulness, or wishing that at the next wedding that maybe I would be brave and actually dance.  It's him noticing the extra time I took for a child, it's him loving me when I feel ignored by those I most want attention from.

Grace is God always or almost always giving me the perfect parking spot.  Even at busy shopping malls during Christmas shopping madness.  It's when Matt Molt took the mike at a prophetic assembly, in part, to tell  me to "Sit in the front!"  :-)  

Grace permeates EVERY moment of our days.  You know how I know?  "Grace is unconditional acceptance given to an undeserving person."   It's always in my life because I'M ALWAYS UNDESERVING.  There's no such thing as me deserving grace.  I'm no more worthy today because I got up early to meet with God, than I was yesterday when I spent way more time on Facebook than I did praying.

But He loves me the same every day no matter what I do, or don't do.  It's easy to write that.  It's soooooo much harder to believe it.  

I'm a super relational person, and most negative emotions in my life come when there is a breakdown in relationships.  The past few weeks have been especially rocky.  Even when I know I haven't done anything wrong, if there's a conflict I feel wracked in guilt until it's over.  At times, I have to force myself NOT to apologize just to ensure peace, and not to give parts of myself away just because someone is mad at my choices.  It's taken to age 48 to allow myself to experience anger AND express it.  

The past few days I've been trying to forgive someone who hurt me again.  Everything inside me wants to do the exact same thing back to the individual.  An eye for an eye, right?  It's Biblical.  That's Old Testament, you say.  Yeah, so is TITHING.  Right back at you.  

But as I read my book on grace, and drink it down like gulps, Jesus reminds me grace is for everyone.  And if I have the Living Water, it's mine to SHARE.

When I see my friend, I will be open and loving and look them in the eye and forgive, even if they don't apologize.  Even if they blame me.  I can do it.  He gives me grace.  And the individual and the friendship is way more important than my momentary hurt.  Or being right.


Photo Credit: "Cold Water is Ready" by Brave Heart in Flickr Creative Commons.  No modifications.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/brraveheart/538063535/in/photolist-PxHxv-3t6i5-5zcTrL-rsNK66-mHa76Y-56M5aR-aaSdm6-8MCUGP-4i8TQ1-56bBSA-F27Ev-5jpFc7-hJ84Dd-5mfH6-cYXBzW-8fs7qH-5xuJuw-2jHeR-4ZmicB-chPQKq-32FJUz-64nFAF-4dr9U-eSvfbs-ffsNCV-516Zjk-hUud59-7upp8C-dadV3j-iH98pX-abdVK-7py1Ts-9Mm9zf-8vGnwi-4dr9T-wQab2-6bUpPC-pDb6cF-7SnBD6-7pu8ap-cnwiAq-B5hrb-cYtF8w-7utLtp-4kpkWU-59MPGn-cYvBgh-oeLk-mV9Jwz-5ReW2x

 

 

 

70 x 7: Two Thoughts

Matthew 18:21-22

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

(NKJV)


2 Thoughts on Matthew 18:21-22

1.  If the Lord requires us to forgive one another an unlimited number of times (which scholars agree 70 x 7 or 490 means) then wouldn't He also forgive us an unlimited number of times?

When I start getting concerned about making the same mistakes over and over, or sinning in the same way again and again, I am comforted by these verses.

2.  How is it possible to have one person sin against you this many times?  Or an unlimited number of times?

ONLY, if you stay in relationship with them.  Jesus would not have needed to say this, if He did not expect us to forgive and continue relating to the person.  You can't have someone repeatedly sin against you if you drop them and refuse to reconcile.  

This is not to say someone in an abusive or dangerous situation should stay in it, but I wonder if as Christians, we are too quick to write people off when they hurt us or annoy us?  


photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/skynoir/6907731218/">Sky Noir</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>