Pura Vida
“Grace is unconditional acceptance given to an undeserving person by an unobligated giver. ”
I've been reading the book One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian and it sinks in like pure water. It's the story of grace in the life of a believer, and every sentence hydrates my spirit, and I can't quite drink it fast enough, and no matter how much grace I read about, and try to drink in---the next day I find myself returning to the same water cooler, pouring it down my throat in great gulps, as if I've never encountered the water of grace before. But the truth is, it's rare in our culture. And without real life experiences, it's a concept very tough to grasp at the heart level.
There have been some big moments in life when I've been handed grace. And they haven't come when I thought I was doing well spiritually. They have come in the moments when I have absolutely felt the least deserving. Well, of course, you might be thinking. Grace comes when you mess up. That's what makes it grace.
I used to think that too. But, I think we only notice grace when we've screwed up. Because that is when we are thirsty for it. When we are in a place of success, or spiritual intimacy we don't feel we need it, so we aren't looking for it.
Grace is Jesus loving every bit of us, all the time. It's him smiling at my forgetfulness, or wishing that at the next wedding that maybe I would be brave and actually dance. It's him noticing the extra time I took for a child, it's him loving me when I feel ignored by those I most want attention from.
Grace is God always or almost always giving me the perfect parking spot. Even at busy shopping malls during Christmas shopping madness. It's when Matt Molt took the mike at a prophetic assembly, in part, to tell me to "Sit in the front!" :-)
Grace permeates EVERY moment of our days. You know how I know? "Grace is unconditional acceptance given to an undeserving person." It's always in my life because I'M ALWAYS UNDESERVING. There's no such thing as me deserving grace. I'm no more worthy today because I got up early to meet with God, than I was yesterday when I spent way more time on Facebook than I did praying.
But He loves me the same every day no matter what I do, or don't do. It's easy to write that. It's soooooo much harder to believe it.
I'm a super relational person, and most negative emotions in my life come when there is a breakdown in relationships. The past few weeks have been especially rocky. Even when I know I haven't done anything wrong, if there's a conflict I feel wracked in guilt until it's over. At times, I have to force myself NOT to apologize just to ensure peace, and not to give parts of myself away just because someone is mad at my choices. It's taken to age 48 to allow myself to experience anger AND express it.
The past few days I've been trying to forgive someone who hurt me again. Everything inside me wants to do the exact same thing back to the individual. An eye for an eye, right? It's Biblical. That's Old Testament, you say. Yeah, so is TITHING. Right back at you.
But as I read my book on grace, and drink it down like gulps, Jesus reminds me grace is for everyone. And if I have the Living Water, it's mine to SHARE.
When I see my friend, I will be open and loving and look them in the eye and forgive, even if they don't apologize. Even if they blame me. I can do it. He gives me grace. And the individual and the friendship is way more important than my momentary hurt. Or being right.
Photo Credit: "Cold Water is Ready" by Brave Heart in Flickr Creative Commons. No modifications.
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