A Different Way of Seeing
Today, I was offered a fresh page in a relationship. Imagine an ivory piece of stationery with nothing written on it. Pure, crisp, clean.
Imagine a favorite shirt coming out of the dryer, and it's warmth on your skin as you breathe deeply and smell spring left by a dryer sheet.
Imagine grace washing over you like a waterfall; water that is just right in temperature; as it cascades over your head, and you stand under the water for a long time, letting its hydration wash away pain, scrub away past mistakes.
Today was like that.
Relationships are tricky. What I've learned? is that when friendships hurt--it is because I have something inside of me wrong or twisted, that fails to trust the good intentions of the one I'm relating to.
When I am insulted, it is because my friend has touched an insecurity.
When I am wounded, it's often because my friend has spoken truth, but it's truth I haven't told myself yet.
When I am incensed, I am often responding to a trigger, losing sight of the face and heart right in front of me, forgetting who they are to me, and all the acts of friendship which have preceded that moment.
When I feel controlled, I am deeply afraid and anxious---because what would life be like if I were not in control?
I'm not saying pain is not real. I'm not saying others don't sin against us.
But I find that when I clean up my heart? There is less to hurt.
If you knew the story? You'd know, I didn't deserve another chance.
I'm glad my friend decided to try again anyway.