When God Paints your Pictures

He is sitting on a log low to the ground with friends on either side of him.  He is clearly the leader, but the entire group is relaxed, confident, and unmistakably handsome.  They appear to be killing time, just hanging out, talking, laughing and throwing their heads back to guffaw when the conversation gets especially humorous.

I walk by not wanting to look at them, for nervousness.  They are the sought-after ones, and I am just me.  

But the one in the middle, the leader,  has eyes which follow me.  And as I talk quietly with a girlfriend off to the side, his eyes stay on me, but not in a creepy way.  In a way which fills me with hope.

Could he really be interested in me?  He's listening to his companions, but his eyes which are so full of love and gentle amusement never leave mine.  Without saying a word, Jesus clearly communicates, "Say the word and I'm all yours.  The minute you are ready, we can go."  His eyes dance across mine, and silently speak, "I love my crew; but I've been waiting for YOU."

---

Jump to another scene.  We are back at the log, but this time, there's a campfire in front of it.  And this time, Jesus is on the log, with a friend on either side, but I'm the one in His arms.  As I face the fire, I lean back on His frame, and his shoulders and long arms are draped around mine casually.  We all laugh often, our faces lit up by the fire, and by His company.  I trust Him completely, and we're comfortable enough with one another now, that I no longer doubt His love.  My insecurity has been replaced with a humble confidence in the knowing of who HE is, and of how much I am loved.  I walk differently now, because I've been seen, and known, and cherished.  My eyes no longer mask fear, but they look like His; gentle, intense, seeking, and just a little light of laughter at the corners.  We exchange a look, a deep smile, and turn our attention to the crowd gathering.  We'll need to work soon, but for now, we can steal a minute just to enjoy.

---

What pictures does Jesus paint on your heart?

---

Photo Credit:  Christine Serda, Unsplash.com

Why "Money Can't Buy Happiness" is a Lie

My friend Nadia showed up unexpectedly at my house once with these beautiful flowers in hand.  I had been given a beautiful vase in a gift exchange at one of her Christmas parties (by another faithful friend).  She said she wanted to be the first to fill that vase with love.  Extravagant.  Happiness.  Proof Positive.

My freshman year at Portland Bible College, we were asked to do a study on a character quality.  I chose generosity.  It was one of my first experiences endeavoring to look at every verse on a particular topic in Scripture and turned out to be a great learning experience.  But more than that, there was a MARKED sense of God's presence as I studied, that has never been duplicated in any other study I've done.  

I've come to expect God's presence during worship, and I often sense Him when I pray.  But during this study, He came close.  He was there with me as I read verses, there when I organized my findings into categories, and there when I presented them in class.  His near tangible closeness felt like a warm blanket around me, or like a close friend looking over my shoulder.  I could feel His smile and His interest.  I was studying something close to His heart.

God loves extravagant giving because He is an extravagant giver and when we participate in giving, we are expressing His character.  I think it's like a parent looking at their own DNA staring back at them when they see their children.  Deep calls unto deep, and He senses His DNA in us, when we act like Him.

The funnest, most exciting moments in life have been the times when I have given extravagantly.  It takes planning, it takes discipline to set aside funds, it takes a depth of love.  It takes research to be sure that the gift is matching the person being given.  It takes plotting.  It takes dreaming.  All of which stretch across time, and build anticipation in the giver's heart.

Watching joy arise in a person's heart after a long day, or wash over them like a wave, or erupt like Niagra Falls as the result of a gift?  There's no better feeling.  

Money may not buy happiness when we spend it on ourselves; but the keenest, sharpest joy I've ever experienced is when I've acted like my Heavenly Father and given extravagantly with all my heart.

Money can absolutely buy happiness.  When given away.

No Tears Tonight

Being one half Native American, and one half Caucasian there have been times in my life when folks more into race than I am have looked upon me as representing “the voice” of Native Americans or Alaskan Indians.  If they knew my family nothing could be further from the truth.  We were raised very’ typical of anyone else in the US, with maybe the exception of eating a bit more salmon and fish eggs.

In the same way, these thoughts tonight belong to me alone and not those of singles everywhere. 

As I sit here on Valentine’s Day night alone, there are no tears.  I am not sad about being single, I am not mourning my years without a sweetheart, and I am not lonely.  Truth be told, if it weren’t for all the Facebook posts, I likely would have forgotten it was a holiday.

It seems to me that there are often only 2 responses to singles and singlehood.  Either we are pitied, or we are invisible.  Those who pity often see marriage as the only true path to happiness and so view singles as individuals deeply lonely, longing for true love.  The other group seemingly dismiss singles out of hand, almost like we belong to a different race. This group would rarely qualify us as close friends, nor recognize our gifting as being truly valuable until attached to another’s.

If one counts singlehood from age 18, then I have been single for 29 years.  I have known seasons of deep loneliness, with great desire to have one person to give all of myself to, rather than having to be satisfied with a number of friends knowing parts of my soul.  I have felt alone on holidays, and known what it’s like to sit amongst strangers to celebrate because those closest have not always been the ones to invite.  And I’ve planned my wedding more times than I could say, as age and circumstances have changed my tastes and close girlfriends.  It IS hard to accept that I will never hold a baby that has my genes, and just as hard to have tasted what its like to share a man’s bed and yet never now get to fall asleep in a man’s embrace. 

But these momentary sorrows are fleeting in the bigger scheme of Gods will.  I know that I know that I have had God’s best for my life.  He gave me 10 years of great adventure, including 4 years of working in the South Bronx, in the nation’s poorest congressional district, in the police precinct with the highest rape and homicide rate in the nation.  I passed junkies with needles still in their arms walking to the the subway, I nurtured a generation of crack kids, I was entrusted with the Fathers hardest little ones, right at the age of accountability. 

Singlehood has afforded many other adventures such as 11 weeks in Guatemala, traipsing all over the country, mixing with locals, making friends.  9 years in a powerful local church in El Barrio, NYC known for the prophetic, and marked by the presence of the Lord.  A summer in Lexington, Kentucky learning lessons from folks who could not be more different than I.

I do not know why my road has not yet included a husband.  But I do know that its ok.  My life is full, it is rich emotionally, it has its moments of great adventure, and of deep relationship.  God supplies All of His children’s needs through Himself and through the body.  He just uses a greater variety of folks to meet the needs of singles.

When you think of me, your single friend, I don’t want to be pitied.  I might be happier than you, and I am a whole, complete person, in and of myself.  I want to be respected as one who has learned to love and initiate, without having the emotional security of a spouse.  I want to be seen for what I've overcome and not for what or whom I lack.  I want to be seen for who I am and what I bring to the table, not seen as one who is awkward to seat because I’m not a pair.  I want to be a real friend, even if I can’t offer a matching friend for your spouse, and I don’t have children that can play with your children.  I want to be seen, not walked past, unheeded.

It is Valentine’s Day, and I am home alone.  There are no tears.  And I am not lonely.  I am in Gods perfect will and I know who loves me.