Being one half Native American, and one half Caucasian there have been times in my life when folks more into race than I am have looked upon me as representing “the voice” of Native Americans or Alaskan Indians. If they knew my family nothing could be further from the truth. We were raised very’ typical of anyone else in the US, with maybe the exception of eating a bit more salmon and fish eggs.

In the same way, these thoughts tonight belong to me alone and not those of singles everywhere.

As I sit here on Valentine’s Day night alone, there are no tears. I am not sad about being single, I am not mourning my years without a sweetheart, and I am not lonely. Truth be told, if it weren’t for all the Facebook posts, I likely would have forgotten it was a holiday.

It seems to me that there are often only 2 responses to singles and singlehood. Either we are pitied, or we are invisible. Those who pity often see marriage as the only true path to happiness and so view singles as individuals deeply lonely, longing for true love. The other group seemingly dismiss singles out of hand, almost like we belong to a different race. This group would rarely qualify us as close friends, nor recognize our gifting as being truly valuable until attached to another’s.

If one counts singlehood from age 18, then I have been single for 29 years. I have known seasons of deep loneliness, with great desire to have one person to give all of myself to, rather than having to be satisfied with a number of friends knowing parts of my soul. I have felt alone on holidays, and known what it’s like to sit amongst strangers to celebrate because those closest have not always been the ones to invite. And I’ve planned my wedding more times than I could say, as age and circumstances have changed my tastes and close girlfriends. It IS hard to accept that I will never hold a baby that has my genes, and just as hard to have tasted what its like to share a man’s bed and yet never now get to fall asleep in a man’s embrace.

But these momentary sorrows are fleeting in the bigger scheme of Gods will. I know that I know that I have had God’s best for my life. He gave me 10 years of great adventure, including 4 years of working in the South Bronx, in the nation’s poorest congressional district, in the police precinct with the highest rape and homicide rate in the nation. I passed junkies with needles still in their arms walking to the the subway, I nurtured a generation of crack kids, I was entrusted with the Fathers hardest little ones, right at the age of accountability.

Singlehood has afforded many other adventures such as 11 weeks in Guatemala, traipsing all over the country, mixing with locals, making friends. 9 years in a powerful local church in El Barrio, NYC known for the prophetic, and marked by the presence of the Lord. A summer in Lexington, Kentucky learning lessons from folks who could not be more different than I.

I do not know why my road has not yet included a husband. But I do know that its ok. My life is full, it is rich emotionally, it has its moments of great adventure, and of deep relationship. God supplies All of His children’s needs through Himself and through the body. He just uses a greater variety of folks to meet the needs of singles.

When you think of me, your single friend, I don’t want to be pitied. I might be happier than you, and I am a whole, complete person, in and of myself. I want to be respected as one who has learned to love and initiate, without having the emotional security of a spouse. I want to be seen for what I've overcome and not for what or whom I lack. I want to be seen for who I am and what I bring to the table, not seen as one who is awkward to seat because I’m not a pair. I want to be a real friend, even if I can’t offer a matching friend for your spouse, and I don’t have children that can play with your children. I want to be seen, not walked past, unheeded.

It is Valentine’s Day, and I am home alone. There are no tears. And I am not lonely. I am in Gods perfect will and I know who loves me.

Kaleidoscope