Little kids don't discriminate in their friendships. They play with anyone and everyone. It's only as we get older and start to carry past hurts that we start to choose people. And people start to choose us--or not.

There are seasons in life when we feel exactly right with a group of people----like we've found our tribe. The first time I remember feeling that tribe feeling was at age 4. I wrote about it here. One of my favorite tribal experiences came at Portland Bible College. My junior year our class became a tight knit unit. We had every class together and the college didn't even have us move; all of our teachers came to us.

The class 2 years above us had been spiritual leaders. The group right above us were intellectual leaders and scholars. We were the social leaders; the party class, the fun-makers. We passionately loved each other and perhaps even more so; we loved our synergy together.

That year we surprised one of our favorite teachers, Lanny Hubbard, with a beach party. There was a sandy beach, beach chairs, surf boards, and we ditched our required skirts and ties for shorts and T-shirts. Vicky Flanagan, the mastermind had even thought to work her magic to make it hot, and to have the smell of coconuts and the tropics wafting through the room.

The next year we surprised our college dean, Ken Malmin, with a winter snow party. We had fake snow, snowfrosted windows and a pre-coldened room with plenty of hot cocoa on hand. Our class loved fun-- and togetherness was the richest, deepest kind of fun. At times, we fought like brothers and sisters, but we accepted each other for our respective strengths and weaknesses.

I think we go through life looking to rediscover this feeling of tribe in each new season and place. We expect life to be like the sitcom "Friends" where all of our favorite people and closest relationships are also our closest friends' relationships.

If only.

Or we look at other people's Facebook feed and it seems like everyone else has a tribe but us. We all have those times where we feel like a misfit. Alone amidst the crowd. On the outside looking in where everyone else seems so happy and knit in. Where everyone else seems to BELONG.

When I experience these lonely moments now, I remember a few things.

1. My small group leaders who were involved in every facet of our church once told us that NO ONE ever invited them over, or out. People assumed that they were too busy, and too socially committed. Or put the impetus on THEM to be the initiators. (Leaders feel left out too sometimes.)

2. When I've seen people from past seasons and places, their actions and words tell me I was accepted for who I was even though it didn't feel like it then. My senior year at Bible College there was this cute freshman that a lot of Senior girls had a secret crush on. He was tall, ruddy and had boyish good looks and great hair. And he played the guitar, swoon. I went to Bible College in the 80's when every female had big hair, perfect figures and could play the piano and sing. I did not feel pretty there. Years later via Facebook this boy-turned-man told me he had always thought I was beautiful, self-assured and had a genuineness that made me attractive in ways other girls weren't. I didn't think back then that he even knew I was alive. If I was accepted then, and accepted in Jr. High and High School (other past evidence) and other times where in the season I felt awkward---then I am likely also accepted now, even in my moments of self-doubt and present insecurity.

3. God made us all different. It's no wonder we feel different at times. If you have ever taken the Meyers-Briggs personality test, then you likely know how rare your personality type is. Career Planner has a breakdown of the personalities by male and female here. I'm a female INTJ---only 0.9% of women fall into this personality type. I'm going to feel different, because I am different. God made me one of his rare jewels and not everyone can recognize a jewel in the rough. But if you look at Career Planner's chart, even the most common types are not all that common. We will feel different---but different doesn't have to be bad----let it mean rare and valuable. You're a scarce commodity in the world. People are lucky to have you in their circles.

4. We are all in this together. I've decided not to wait for others to initiate. Initiators are rare! I've decided to return to the roots of my childhood and call everyone my friend. I invite people to coffee, to my home, to anywhere I'm doing life. Anyone and everyone as often as I can. I go to a church that once felt like a tribe---and now feels a bit like a fragmented group of strangers. I'm doing my part to make our church a tribe again---and so are others. It takes all of us---not just our leaders.

5. I think God gives us times with a tribe to give us a taste of heaven. Our mobile world has changed so much that while in some ways it's easier to feel connected across the miles more than ever before----it also means that it can be rare for people to put down roots long-term. We can know times of synergy and deep connectedness with a group of people---but sooner or later, people move away, new people join the circle, the dynamics shift, relationships change and life goes on.

Tribes don't always last, but relationships do and the dance of life goes on until we arrive at the gates of the biggest and best tribe there is---which will last for all eternity. Until then, when you feel different---rejoice in your uniqueness and when you feel left out---invite, initiate, draw close.

Photo Cred: Mike Wilson on Unsplash

We are all mere beggars telling other beggars where to find bread.

-Martin Luther

Kaleidoscope