50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years

1. It’s better to be kind than to be right.

2. Relationships matter. At the end of the day, they might be the only thing that matters.

3. Contented singlehood trumps a tough marriage, or at least that’s what many of you have told me.

4. Not always, but often, a child’s attitude towards an authority mirrors their parent’s. I can typically tell when a student’s parent has picked up an offense, because the child begins acting differently towards me.

5. It’s never too early to start teaching your kids about money, and they do need teaching about money.

6. Never be more than 30 days late on a bill, at all costs.

7. Buy a home as soon as you can. Don’t worry about if you can afford it. Afford what you can and trade up.

8. Go to college, and don’t move home after a semester and say it’s too hard, or you didn’t like it. Seriously, don’t do that. People are paying you to learn. And life without a college degree is much tougher than college will ever be.

9. Have a few, close covenantal friends who will tell you the truth about your character, even when you don’t ask, and don’t want to hear it.

10. The church where you choose to plant your life is almost as important as who you marry.

11. The most important thing in life is one’s relationship with God.

12. Everyone is insecure, everyone feels on the outside looking in, everyone feels like the different one at some point in their life.

13. The popular, the strong, the spiritual, the mighty, the rich, the surrounded one needs true friendship too. Just because a person looks overcommitted socially doesn’t mean they are.

14. Everyone needs words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, acts of service and public sarcasm. No matter what love language they claim.

15. Most people are doing the best they can. A good question to ask in place of judgment is “What must this individual believe in order to act how they are acting?”

16. Fear is behind almost all of our sin.

17. Relationships cause deep pain. Relationships heal deep pain.

18. Forgiveness is always possible.

19. If you give and give and give, you will never lack.

20. To the man who is despairing, there should be kindness from his friend. (Job 6:14)

21. Answer all emails, texts, messages, and phone calls as quickly as you’re able, and at least in 48 hours. People trust people they can get a hold of, and who respond.

22. The higher up the chain of command you go, the more gracious the person. The kindest people are almost always at the tippy top of any organization.

23. People as young as 12 months quickly figure out who the leader is, and desire the leader’s attention the most. Without fail. Without exception.

24. Serving others is the quickest route to joy. Giving at great sacrifice to others is the purest, greatest high there is.

25. Where you find control, you find fear. A controlling person is a person who is afraid.

26. A true friendship will have initiation by both parties. If one person does all the work, the relationship will likely not last.

27. It pays to establish a reputation of honesty before something comes up.

28. We are all capable of any crime or sin, and even the most darkened criminal can find God’s forgiveness in repentance.

29. Labels are not worth adopting. They mess with your soul. Rip them off. My favorite quote from Calvin Miller’s The Trilogy paraphrased is “And if they should brand you with a name across your face..." "It cannot stay, if heaven disagrees.”

30. “We are all merely beggars, telling other beggars where to find bread.” Martin Luther

31. Our job is not to carry others. It is to bring them to Jesus. Pete Schrater

32. Work hard. Play hard.

33. “You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade.” -Tenth Avenue North

34. There is no under name under heaven whereby men can be saved. Acts 4:12

(Jesus is the only way. Period.) All religions do not lead to heaven.

35. God speaks to us way more often than we tune in to hear Him.

36. When you sit down to meet a friend, put your cell phone away.

37. A walk with a bag of Cheetos on an overcast day turns into “A picnic in the park while sun breaks through” on social media.

38. Don’t compare pain with someone else. Pain is like a vapor--it fills up the space it’s contained in. A 3-year old’s grief is just as real to them as a mother who just lost her child. Don’t compare pain and don’t belittle pain.

39. Unfriendliness (including and especially just to some) is ultimately just bad character.

40. RSVP in a timely way.

41. Write thank you notes.

42. Mercy is better than judgment.

43. Wherever one can find community, one can find intentional people making it happen. If you don’t have community, be intentional and start building. Community is not something leaders do. Community is something people do.

44. If you aren’t making new friends, you aren’t growing as much as you could be.

45. People change. Let them.

46. It is good to weep with those who weep; but joy comes in the morning. If you are habitually carrying around someone else’s pain; you aren’t being empathetic, you do not have good boundaries.

47. Don’t rescue your children. Let them feel the consequences of their errors. If they forget their lunch, don’t bring it to them. If they don’t give you their field trip form to be signed, let them miss the trip. ETC.

48. Everyone has a story. Everyone’s life could be turned into a sold out feature film. Everyone is fascinating.

49. Learn to accept overflowing generosity, service and favor if you’re a child of the King.

50. God has never, ever, ever forgotten your name. He longs to be gracious to you.

He will do miracles on your behalf, if you let him. When you least expect it.