One of my earliest memories is standing at the screen door of my first home, watching my mom get in our station wagon and pull out of the garage. I was probably two. I can remember distinctly how angry I was. I was sobbing hysterically, and yelling at her, if not in words, than certainly with my spirit. My sense of betrayal ran deep. HOW DARE SHE LEAVE? Yes, I knew she was returning in a few hours. Yes, I knew my dad was there. Yes, I knew everything would be fine. I would not be soothed.

One of my earliest memories as a teen who had just made the decision to make Jesus Lord of my life---was my first time in the desert, that “deep night of the soul” that saints of other eras reference when God seems to disappear. I had loved Jesus from a young age, often retreating to the wooded islands and beaches of our small Alaskan town, to climb a tree and sing to Him. At age 16, I had just made a fresh commitment to God---after a season of trying what the world had to offer. I was young and had spent a lifetime in great worship services and youth meetings where the sweet honey of His presence flowed freely. His felt presence had been there as long as I could remember even in the rebellious moments.

Then, all of a sudden, after entering into true covenant---His presence was gone. I prayed and felt nothing. That sweetness of heaven which had always been my portion and which I took for granted vanished. My sense of betrayal ran deep. HOW DARE HE LEAVE ME? I had just pledged my lifelong love!

There have been many deserts since that first one. Some I have handled well, and others mirror my early childhood experience of separation anxiety.

We all have a degree of fear of abandonment in relationships. Perhaps because we’ve all experienced important people in our lives walking away. Friends who up and left that we had thought would stand the test of time. The internet is filled with sour grapes wisdom that amounts to rejecting those who reject us. (You know the ones: If they left, they were never your friend. Or the slightly more fatalistic---People come into your life for a season to teach you a lesson. They weren’t meant to stay. )

Somehow that fear of abandonment gets superimposed upon a 100% faithful God too. We ascribe to God the qualities of man and believe in our humanness that the Sovereign Lord of the Universe is capable of the same acts as those who have let us down by leaving.

Sometimes our spiritual separation anxiety comes in different forms. We might still enjoy His presence, but not be able to discern His voice for a season. It could be that everything is going well—but we lose faith in one area---such as healing for our own infirmity, or faith that God can turn the heart of a wayward child. Maybe we have faith for cancer, or our finances---but can’t quite find Him or His will in the middle of a relationship conflict which is crushing us, and has thrown our social equilibrium out of balance and left us emotionally bankrupt.

We think that in these instances, He is there for everyone but us. We believe He has walked away or no longer sees us, or maybe even that in certain situations, He no longer cares. The reality is: One of God’s redemptive names is actually “THE GOD WHO IS THERE.” (Jehovah Shammah). The reality is: God will never leave us nor forsake us. The reality is: God is a Father like no other.

When we can’t feel Him, He is there. When we can’t discern His voice, He is still speaking. When others betray us, He is still 100% faithful. When others give up on us, He never will. If you’re experiencing a season of spiritual separation anxiety, here are a few thoughts which might help:

1-Experts suggest that one way to combat a child’s separation anxiety is to leave a familiar object with the child which will remind them of family. In my early years as a Christian I kept a running list of all of my “special” times with the Lord. Reading them from time to time would evoke the strong emotions of that experience again.

2. Rehearse the truth of God in your life. Find Bible verses on your area of need and declare them each morning over your life. For example, when you feel like God is absent from your life, you could quote Psalms 119:151 Thou art near, O LORD, And all Thy commandments are truth. Declaring the truth out loud dispels lies.

3. Spiritual separation anxiety that continues over a long period of time may stem from a fear of permanent abandonment of God---or the fear of hell. Studying balanced books on grace and the Fatherhood of God can help erase that fear and replace it with a Godly perspective of the gospel. A great author to start with is Timothy Keller.

As a good dad loves his kids even when away from them, so God’s love for you and I remains real, even when we don’t feel Him or sense Him moving in our lives. Instead of asking HOW DARE HE LEAVE US? we can rejoice in the knowledge of the faithfulness of a GOD WHO IS THERE and who gives us free access to His person whenever we ask.

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