For Better or For Worse

I attend a warm, friendly church in Vancouver, WA where Jesus is lifted up, and the presence of God is treasured. We have small group meetings during the week called "House Church" that become like minature families.

A few weeks ago our house church pastor posed the question, "What brought you to this church, and why do you stay?" A week or two later our discussion focused around staying put in difficult situations. These questions and our discussions have been tumbling around in my spirit, begging expression.

Maybe it’s in part because I’ve seen so many give up on church.  Or give up on the particular body they were in community with, the people they had invested years of time with.  It seems like there’s been a lot of folks walking away lately.

There are a lot of reasons people leave specific churches, or the institution of church altogether. Doctrine, job relocation, disillusionment, a breakdown of relationships, stagnancy . . .offense.

The reality of life is . . . stay any place long enough, and offenses come. Make deep enough connections and open your life up . . . there will be inevitable hurt. Relationships are messy. We live in a fallen world, with others equally as marred by sin as ourselves. Offenses will come.

The question is: what do we do when offenses come? And then more come? What if they come at an inconvenient time, when we are already dealing with something bigger than ourselves? What if they come in groups, not singly? What if our offenses are with those we trust to watch over our lives? What if our quarrels are with those whom usually speak hope and comfort? What then? What if the wound is to our spouse? Or to our child? What if the wound is in the name of love, but we don't agree with the judgment?

What do we do when we know we've been legitimately hurt, but the individual causing the pain won't admit wrong, won't apologize, and expects us to bear all of the blame? What if the one who hurt us is being promoted? How many offenses, or how many hurts have to happen before we're willing to walk away?

These are questions I've had to deal with as a Christian, either personally, or as one watching friends battle offense.

I don't have all the answers. But I do know I'm staying put where I am. Why? I thought you'd never ask.

1-Wherever there are people, there will be pain. Escaping to a different church when hurts pile up might be a quick fix, but stay long enough for relationships to be meaningful? And more offenses will come.  Why walk away from relationships it’s taken years to cultivate?

2-We learn by gathering our crop. Ultimately, we reap what we sow. We have to stay in a place long enough to gather our harvest. If we don't like our harvest, then it's time to plant new seed. If we never stay in a place long enough to see what our seed has produced, how will we ever know to change our planting?

3-It doesn't pay to run from God, or the dealings of God. Jonah was assigned to preach to his nation's enemy. He ran the other way and ended up smack dab in the belly of a whale. Running from God never ends well.

If you've been in church for any length of time, you've probably observed that a fair amount of people's offenses are with leadership. Often time, these offenses come because leaders have given feedback to a person. Not the warm, fuzzy kind. But the "I'm telling you this because I love you and you need to change" kind.

If you get this kind of feedback, trust me, it's the worst time to run. My pastor says this, "If a pastor expresses a concern about something, it's like the Holy Spirit yelling to get your attention." I have found this to be true.

It's also true that if you run, you're just setting yourself up to learn the lesson again someplace new.

4-True character is forged in the crucible of true relationships. True relationships (the kind where you can share anything and the friendship has made it past a fight and there's covenant) take time to grow and develop. God often uses these covenant relationships to change us the most. Staying put allows time for these friendships to be cultivated and grown.

5-The good is still good. No matter what offenses I may encounter, the things which I love about my church will always be true. The worship is great, the preaching is balanced and convicting, the leadership LOVES their flock, people are real, it's ok to not be perfect, and when we party, we party. Why in the world would I ever give up a great place because it requires me to forgive? And work on my stuff?

I believe that where we choose to go to church is almost as important as whom we marry.  And the commitment is one worthy of deep commitment and loyalty.

Hupomone is one of the Greek words translated "patience" in the Bible. It literally means "to stay under." Dr. Jim Cecy says, "Hupomone speaks of the ability to stay under something without buckling from the weight of it. It doesn't avoid painful circumstances; it learns through them. It never gives up. It is the mark of the truly mature believer."

I choose forgiveness, I choose hupomone, I choose to stay in the place God has planted me.