The House of Grace
I was cooking last night, and the kitchen was somewhat of a mess. I knew one of my roommates would be home soon and I purposed to apologize for the disorganization and let him know I planned to clean it up before bed. Then I stopped myself and realized how strange an apology like that would sound to him. Because, you see, we live in a house of grace.
I found my home on Craigslist. I was perusing shared housing, but not seriously, because it was August and I didn’t have time to move with school starting. But this house was PURPLE. And gorgeous. I decided to check it out.
From the very beginning, things were laid back. I agreed to move in and was approved before I even met my roommate who owned the house. My roommate’s mom showed me the place and I said yes right away, and met my roommate and signed paperwork a little later. My roommate trusted her mom’s opinion of me, and her mom approved of me instantly.
I was leaving a similar situation, also found on Craigslist. My former living space was a 7-bedroom mansion-like place with fancy fixtures and heated floors and white carpet throughout. The couple I lived with were lovely. His mom also lived there. But it was never a comfortable place for me.
Everyone was extremely quiet. The lights were never on no matter what time I got home, because my roommates were frugal and wanted to save money. Because the home was so immaculate, I felt self-conscious about ever leaving a single dish out. If I did, it was cleaned and put away by the next morning. And I felt guilty because I knew the mom had cleaned for me. In fact, she cleaned for all of us. She even cleaned my restroom, which also made things a little odd. So although no one ever sat me down and told me “the rules,” it felt very rule-driven. Don’t leave the lights on. Don’t make any noise. Don’t leave anything at all undone. But the rules were unspoken rules. The worst kind.
I taught once in a school where unwritten rules prevailed. Being a new hire, I felt lost much of the time because it seemed I was just expected to “know” things. When I didn’t understand an email or had questions, I would go to the office and ask the secretaries. They would answer but then scold me for asking them questions that my team was supposed to fill me in on. Once I even got in trouble for teaching place value because I used old math texts to do it, and our current curriculum didn’t cover it.
Both my last home, and this school were “Houses of Law.”
Now? I live with 3 roommates. The owner of the home is a great gal who works nights. Then there’s 2 college-aged brothers, who were raised right! The home is a beautiful 4-bedroom house with huge rooms and a 3-car garage. The best feature is the great room---one gigantic square (purple!) space with living room, dining room, and kitchen all blended perfectly together in harmony. It’s a great place to entertain, which I can do whenever I want. (I had to ask permission in my old place.)
When I moved in, I asked about sharing chores, cleaning responsibilities, etc. My “landlord” roomie was like, “Oh geez. I hate cleaning. I had to do it all the time in my marriage. I don’t want to HAVE to do anything anymore. So you guys don’t have to either.” That pretty much sums up the culture of the home.
So . . .no one does dishes or cleans unless they want to. There are no musts. It’s pure grace. I can entertain all I want, and so can the boys. We mostly share dishes, pots and pans and often borrow food. We always tell one another, and the brothers are so honest that they even replace a serving of ice with a full bag.
So how does our home stay clean? It’s interesting the effect that grace has on us. We all contribute.
I find myself preferring my roommates above myself. When I’m cooking a lot, I clean a lot. I don’t want my roommates to have to come home to a pile of messy dishes, so I clean them all, even if half of them belong to them. I empty the dishwasher (my most loathsome job) even if I filled it. I try not to hog the washer and dryer, and if I must move their laundry I try to do it so that important things like shirts stay unwrinkled. When I do their dishes or move their laundry, I do so freely without judging them or complaining to myself (most of the time, we all have our days). I’m happy to do it, because no one is forcing me to.
And we have all kind of found the jobs that make sense to us. I vacuum the hallway and sweep the stairs a lot. I bring the mail in and recycle our kitchen items. One of the brothers vacuums downstairs and fixes everything broken. He also takes out the trash every week. None of us like to mop so our kitchen floor is often sticky. We’re ok with that. No one but me, I’m convinced, has a burden for counters. I don’t think the guys even know they exist. (The gal never cooks at home, is never in the kitchen.) So I clean the counters 3 or 4 times a day. It’s all good in our house of grace.
What I’ve learned? Is that:
Grace motivates. I do way more cleaning in this home than any home I’ve ever lived in.
Grace covers. When I’m stressed and overworked and barely have time to eat, much less clean---my roomies cover me, and do my dishes without complaint, without keeping track or mentioning it.
Grace creates peace. There are no expectations, so there are no conflicts. My pastor once encouraged me out of Romans 4:15 which reads, “Where there is no law, there is no transgression.” He went on to articulate that if I’m finding people disappoint me too much, it’s because I have too high of expectations. Drop the law and you’ll drop the offenses. Easier said than done. But my experience in our home, tells me my pastor is right.
Grace brings out the best in me.
I’m still learning how to apply grace in other situations. I must lay out expectations on my students. But how can I make my classroom a “House of Grace” so that my students feel safe and not controlled or coerced? Is it possible to communicate expectations, but still leave the choice up to them?
Are my friendships “Houses of Law” or “Houses of Grace”? Do I allow my friends to make mistakes with free walks home? Or must they always apologize to be back into my good graces? Do I have a list of rules that go with my friendship or are there “no strings attached”?
How about my relationship with God? Or my emotions and thoughts towards my church and it's policies ? Do I give grace there?
How do I interact with people I come in contact with in daily life? At the grocery store? In traffic?
Jesus said whatever I do to the least of my brethren, I do it unto Him.
What about you? Are you living in a House of Law or a House of Grace?
