The Most Important Post I'll Ever Write
We are the Fallen by Taylor McBride. Creative Commons via Flickr and Photo Pin. Unaltered.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/taylor-mcbride/4535235716/in/photostream/
Living with Depression
Sometimes you cry every morning and every night. For like an hour each time. And there's nothing wrong. You aren't thinking wrong. You aren't dwelling on pain. You are barely thinking at all. It just has to work itself out.
Sometimes your emotions are raw and heightened and a look, a judgment, a stray remark, can feel like an elephant stepped on your heart. Sometimes people walk on eggshells around you and you can’t figure out why they think you are so sensitive.
Sometimes you are absolutely fine for weeks at a time. It's nothing you are doing right, just like when you're in pain, it's nothing you're doing wrong; it's just what your body is giving out at the moment.
Sometimes you get stuck in thought patterns that replay themselves over and over and you can't get unstuck.
Sometimes the genuine pain you do have from unmet expectations, broken relationships, or past experiences is amplified and it feels like you're surrounded by this force field of negative energy, and though you fight it, it remains thick around you like a fog, and chokes the breath out of you.
Sometimes things which people have said haunt you and are like invisible headphones turned up on HIGH, and you try your best to focus on Jesus, you try to worship, you try to pray, you try anything to push away the judgments (true or not, earned or false) written on your forehead, but you can't find the way of escape. Sometimes what worked the last time, doesn't work this time. Sometimes you get tired of fighting and just give up for the day.
Sometimes fellow brothers and sisters minimalize the disease by giving pat answers. “Read the Psalms.” “Quote scripture.” “Just rejoice!” “Don’t dwell on the past.” “Forgive.” If only it were that easy. It’s kind of like telling an overweight person, “Just eat right and exercise.” Yeah, because all skinny people do that. Or it’s like announcing to anyone with any problem to just “Stop it!”
Sometimes people believe the worst about those experiencing depression. “They are just trying to get attention.” “They are moody and self-centered.” Depression CAN look like this. And any one of us can fall into patterns of victimhood, even in our depression. But true depression is not an attitude you choose. It’s not a mood you put yourself into. It is how your body affects your emotions, and those who deal with depression would never choose it.
So, in addition to what's already going on, Christians with depression often live under a weight of judgment from their spiritual brothers and sisters, who know not what they do. People with depression have to get really good at forgiving.
If people with depression choose to use medication, and dare to tell others, they set themselves up for more judgment. Christians have definite opinions about other Christians using antidepressants. Let him who has never taken an aspirin throw the first stone.
Sometimes? It feels like you've cried wolf too many times. Intimate friends get worn out; compassion turns to weariness. You know you give off heavy vibes at times that no one wants to shoulder or that people don’t know how to react to. You forgive again as another acquaintance looks away and pretends not to see. Tomorrow's another day and joy might come in the morning.
Responding to Friends with Depression
Please don't run away from us. It's a chemical imbalance and it is not catching. We have depression; we are not depressed.
We make great friends because we have great compassion and empathy.
We appreciate small kindnesses because the same sensitivity that causes great pain, also notices the tiny nuances of life, and those who bring them.
Depression is something we live with and overcome; it does not define us; it is NOT our identity. It's possible you've known us for years casually and never identified it in us.
We are not asking you to carry our pain, or even to feel sorry for us. We just want to feel accepted and know that we are safe around you when we are having a good day or when we're having a bad day.
We want to know that you are not judging our faith or our walk by our countenance; because WE ARE NOT the illness.
We are warriors fighting a different battle than you. Respect the warrior in us, and be normal with us week in and week out. Acknowledge the pain, but don’t feel you have to fix us.
Give us the benefit of the doubt that we are not wallowing. For all of the visible emotions that spill out, we have likely conquered many more. If we do happen to be wallowing, we usually know it, and pointing it out? Will likely not accomplish as much as a hug.
We do not need every conversation to be about us, or our emotions. In fact, it’s a relief to get out of our own heads and discuss other things.
We will be the ones there for you when you hit rock bottom, when others stay away from fear or pity. We will have your back, we will help you find your footing when it’s dark.
We will become tour guides through the Valley of Baca. We’ve already been there, and we have dug wells.
Psalm 84:6 (KJV)
6 Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools.
*The Valley of Baca can also be translated "The Valley of Tears." Many believe this verse admonishes us to comfort others with the comfort we have been comforted with, and to build wells of refreshing for others when we are going through valley experiences.
Photo: By JERRYE AND ROY KLOTZ MD (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons. Unaltered. Use of photo does not imply agreement with blog post.
Disclaimer: Despite the permanence of our digital footprints, this is my description of what it is like to battle depression on May 17, 2014. I reserve the right to change my opinion as I change. Despite the safety of the "Editorial We," my opinions are my own, and I do not claim to speak for others. It is my sincere hope that depression will one day no longer be synonymous with shame.
