Tribute to a Fellow Sojourner


Marco came into my life when I needed him most.  Life’s like that sometimes.  I had just landed my first teaching job.  In. the. South. Bronx.

It was where I wanted to be, and it was every bit as tough as you can imagine, and then some.  I rarely tell my teaching stories from those days, because they are conversation stoppers.  They can’t be topped, and it can make listeners feel like they can never complain again. 

Marco was a Teach for America chap and the technology teacher in a school known as the worst school in the worst district in all of New York City.  I taught second grade, though I learned more about people, teaching and life in those years than I was capable of imparting.

Somewhere during that year, Marco and I realized that we both lived in Queens and so began a year of commuting home each night together.

My Ford Escort, which I had driven across country hadn’t given out on me yet, so Marco would catch a ride home---and we would begin our arguments.

Our arguments were great fun.  We used logic and scripture and life experience.  Often, we would jump into an AOL chatroom when we got home, and continue the debate for another hour from our separate apartments.  The internet was brand new and our arguments awoken something in both of us.  Marco would say it was a spiritual awakening for him, but for me, it was the kind of intellectual challenge I had in Bible College, debating fellow classmates on the finer points of theology, while Brother Ken, our dean and hero, sat back and chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the struggle of watching caterpillars push against the chrysalis. 

Marco was an agnostic, and I a Christian.  I would share the gospel with him and he would try to convince me of his points.  In the in-between times we lived life, teaching and containing our charges. 

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One of my best memories of Marco is the time he and I and, Bernard (the art teacher) took one of my kids to a Yankees game.  Lamont was an angry little guy, and one in need of great love.  I hope my student still remembers how 3 of his teachers took time, and chose HIM to hang out with at a Bronx Bombers game.  I hope he remembers how much we liked him, and how much hope we had for him.

It would take much longer than I can write here to say who Marco was, and what he meant to me.  His friendship brought life to me in the midst of the hardest job I’ll ever have.  He was a fellow warrior in a wasteland, the kind of comrade who understands your battle scars, because he bears his own.  But if he were here?  He’d tell me that’s corny, and to stop being so dramatic.  That he was just an asshole like everybody else.  And then we’d laugh and eat salted mangoes, and make each other watch thought-provoking movies and argue about their meaning.

Deep met deep that year and the year which followed, and today I miss Marco’s deepness.  There are friendships which you cultivate and tend to and hope to God they’ll eventually bear fruit.  And there are others you just fall into, and which meet deep places in your soul you never  knew even existed inside. 

Today I honor Marco Polo Villegas, and today I'm grateful to God for the friendships He has surprised me with and sustained me with when I've been oh so thirsty.  


Atmosphere Creators

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"Why didn't you punish us?" one of my most gregarious students asked seriously.  I had just returned to the classroom to rejoin my class, who had just had a difficult morning with a sub. The difficult, being on the part of the sub.  My kids had passed notes all day and been generally challenging.

We were walking down to lunch, and though I had had a serious talk with my students, I had not reamed them out, or punished them in any way.  My students had thought I was going to be super angry with them.

I tried to put into words for my student what I had learned years earlier, when subbing myself.

The leader creates the atmosphere.

While subbing, I learned that when I walked into a classroom, I determined the kind of day it would be.  If I was insecure and uptight and barked rules and was harsh in my attempts to be "strict", the students responded poorly.  

If I walked in confident, and smiled, and took time to learn everyone's name and build rapport, the day went much better. 

The exact day I learned it is imprinted on a page in my mind.  I was subbing at Minnehaha, a school I rarely went to.  I was feeling intimidated and scared.  And the first bit of the day hadn't gone well.  But, a DARE officer came in for a presentation.  I watched her energy, and her high level of confidence, and how she commandeered her audience.  And I decided to do the same. I faked it till I made it.

And it worked! That class, on their own, made me cards, which I still have today, 20 years later.  Ones that say "#1 Sub"  and "Please come back."  Once I realized how much my demeanor changed the outcome of a day, I made sure I was my best for every class.

So now, when I have a rough day with my class, I try to step back and see if I did anything that contributed to the problem.  Did I come to school in a bad mood?  If so, often my students might have picked up on that vibe and been grumpy with one another. They can't kick me, so they kick each other.

If I'm feeling goofy, and interrupt my kids over and over during class meeting to sing  "Why do birds, suddenly appear . . .every time youuuuuuuuuu are nearrrrrrrr?" my students get happy and relaxed.

So when someone else takes care of my charges, and has a hard time?  I am much less likely to point the finger at my students.  I want to know what the adult did.  Sometimes, we are asked to have a stern talking to with our class, for how our kids behaved in the lunchroom or other place.  I can't do it.  When kids whom I know, and whom are good for me most of the time, have an off period or day?  Hate to say it, but it's not always them.  Many times its the result of the environment an adult set up poorly.

And ultimately, the adult in charge, is responsible for the behavior their atmosphere created.

We are all leaders in different spheres.  Some as parents, some in our workplaces, some in our gym, or places of worship.  The atmosphere we create effects those we lead.  

It doesn't erase individual responsibility, but on our parts, if we don't like the results we're getting?  It might be time to examine ourselves, and consider how a change in us, can shift the atmosphere and change our outcome.